Apathetic = failure?

Hiya people (:

I didn't go on the computer at all yesterday. After spending the entire day out with my family, and juggling channels at night with Kelly, trying to watch 3 movies at the same time, I felt too exhausted to turn the computer on. SBS has really weird cartoons broadcasting at night.. Striperella/Erotica? Waahh? euughh.

Anyway. If you see me in the street, you may not recognise me. Obviously, that was exaggerated. I've just changed my glasses ! ! ! TO FOBBY ONES! I had no idea it looked that fobby. But okay lah`~! :P They're comfortable and very solid. Plus I think they make me look smart. (How foo!ish I know xD)

What I'm not used to is my limited peripheral vision now. The two arms of the glasses are at least 2 and a half times wider than my old glasses... I'm scared I'll run someone over when I'm driving ! ! ! OH! I feel like a horse with their blinkers... blinders? Don't remember what it's called.

These few days I've been thinking alot- about my work attitude. I don't care about my academia enough. I don't study much normally, I cram before exams and I feel sad when I get my results, but in the end I don't really care?

My main problem: I don't have time. But I do. I just spend my time doing other stuff. I procrastinate far too much. And my tv habits are taking over me! *sigh*

I should study economics.

I've said that many times these holidays. Baaaah.

But yeah, I'm starting to think my apathy to study is leading to my failure? "failure" may be too harsh, but maybe it's true? I wish could set a goal for myself... I've been reading my friend's latest blog, and he's smashing himself over the head with the fact that he didn't perform perfectly, that he slipped up. He's quite ambitious, quite admirable, but there's so much pressure to perform well. And I guess alot of that pressure comes from within, not from other people.

I lack that drive/motivation. I don't know from where within I can muster the will to achieve a goal. I don't even have a goal.

Perhaps I'm just lazy. I keep thinking to myself that if I don't perform well, as long as I get a UAI of above 95 I can study commerce in uni. Is it that easy? Everyone around me is aiming so high, trying so hard, making sacrifices for that higher number.

: I'm too easy on myself. Too laid back. I want too much fun.

My parents are telling me to quit all my extra curricular activities. No more cadets, SRC, they also tried to convince me to drop out of prefects?! (as if!) I've been fiddling around with my guitar alot these hols, and I bet they're going to take that away next year during the holidays... They say I have a *yeah sum*, meaning wild heart, and all I want to do is play. Which is true... sorta.

But I can't help but think if they let me choose the subjects I wanted to study in junior school, I'd be so much happier now. If they let me chose VA instead of forcing me to study Commerce... I dunno. And they're so lax on Kelly. She's studying Textiles and Food tech. No fair. *grumble*

I hope my attitude improves. I don't know what I can do right now to improve it. The beginning of year 11 was good. I was studying hard, but I just burnt out. I burnt out after a couple of months. How pathetic.

On a brighter note, BAKEFEST tomorrow with two awesome bakers tomorrow. Shall be fun fun fun.

Mum's going to HK in a couple of days, only staying there for FIVE NIGHTS! WHAT BLASPHEMY. My dad only booked FIVE NIGHTS for her. How ghey. You can't get much shopping done in 5 nights... esp when you have family + friends to visit. gayGAYgayGAYgay.

My new glasses are so rectangular!